Test your lolicon level (updated)

I can't say I don't have misgivings about posting stuff that sounds like, er, triangular fodder, but people have been bickering me to do it for several days now, so here goes. Hopefully I can make it a bit more informative than the typical offering of disreputable venues.

The questionnaire to the left, “Test Your Lolicon Level,” was posted last week on Twitter by master-of-middle-school-girls and regular LO contributor Hidarikagetora. A funny discussion ensued where several loli mangaka compared their results. I'm translating the test, so here's your chance to pit yourself against those fine fellows, and check how worthy you are of reading this blog.

The questionnaire itself is originally from a promotional leaflet from eroge brand SCORE for their upcoming loli-themed nukige Crayon Tulip—in which if you must know, the protagonist discovers that his two younger stepsisters, who are twins, are not in fact humans but succubi, and that he has to bestow his semen upon them so that they can grow into upstanding members of the succubus race; further details are beyond the scope of this post, but in case this synopsis has whetted your curiosity, we can refer you to the trial version. Anyway, part of the fun about this test thing, which is probably lost in translation, is that it looks a lot like a test handout for grade-schoolers, complete with furigana on all kanji in the “problem statement.” Note by the way the use of the fancy spelling 炉裏魂 for the word lolicon, which serves as a codeword of sorts in refined circles like 2ch; the characters literally mean something like “fireplace spirit,” and if someone can read this word without scratching his head for a moment, you have ample grounds to question their otaku tendencies and/or sexual preferences. Anyway, time to...

Test Your Lolicon Level

Those who possess a fervent, gentlemanly love for little girls are called lolicon. Verify whether you have subjective symptoms of that condition. To do so, check all the boxes that apply.

Whenever I hear “lolita” “low tally”[1] my heart throbs.
I want little girls to call me oniichan.
Most of the actresses whose name I can remember are child actors.
As far as anime goes, I always check out magical girl shows.
When people talk of girls in their families, I always imagine them younger.
In every matter, I like the first fruits best.
When you need two digits to write someone's age, they're no longer growing, they're growing old.
Breasts are just flab.
When I meet people with their children, I only look at the kids.
On panties, drawings and designs are highly desirable.
I think we should change the law to allow girls to marry even under age 16.
When I see a little girl, I have an urge to bring her home.
Sometimes, I feel like going back to the old days.
I feel bitter about my friends who have much younger sisters.
I feel even more bitter when they tease me about how there's nothing between brother and sister.
Lolicon are the very people who shall live the chosen future!
Count your answers! Reset
Total: 0

How many boxes have you checked?

You have checked 0 to 3 boxes: you are a normal person. Let's play Crayon Tulip and discover a whole new world!

You have checked 4 to 6 boxes: initial symptoms are visible. Let's play Crayon Tulip and aim for greater heights.

You have checked 7 to 9 boxes: you have achieved a firm skill level. Let's play Crayon Tulip and have a leg up on the competition.

You have checked 10 to 13 boxes: you are a full-grown lolicon. Let's enjoy Crayon Tulip from the bottom of our hearts.

You have checked 14 to 16 boxes: you are among the chosen ones. Let's love Crayon Tulip and evangelize people all over the world!

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That's it. And if you think some questions in this test go a bit too far, don't even try looking at some other ones (which I'm most definitely not translating)!

[1] 8C correctly observes that what I had repeatedly misread as ロリータ “lolita” in the first question really says ロータリー “rotary”. That's an embarrassing instance of selective dyslexia on my part, sorry! That “low tally” think is an attempt at rendering the joke in English, but I'm not sure how well it works.

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EDIT: since some people were asking for it on Twitter, here's a transcription/translation of the Crayon Tulip theme song (the short version from the PV for now; I might do the full version later if someone cares) by well-known doujin and eroge musician Kashiwagi Ruzarin (of Miko miko nurse fame).