Test your lolicon level (updated)

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I can't say I don't have misgivings about posting stuff that sounds like, er, triangular fodder, but people have been bickering me to do it for several days now, so here goes. Hopefully I can make it a bit more informative than the typical offering of disreputable venues.

Test Your Lolicon Level
Test Your Lolicon Level

The questionnaire to the left, “Test Your Lolicon Level,” was posted last week on Twitter by master-of-middle-school-girls and regular LO contributor Hidarikagetora. A funny discussion ensued where several loli mangaka compared their results. I'm translating the test, so here's your chance to pit yourself against those fine fellows, and check how worthy you are of reading this blog.

Collected test results (collapsed, so you can check them after taking the test yourself):

The questionnaire itself is originally from a promotional leaflet from eroge brand SCORE for their upcoming loli-themed nukige Crayon Tulip—in which if you must know, the protagonist discovers that his two younger stepsisters, who are twins, are not in fact humans but succubi, and that he has to bestow his semen upon them so that they can grow into upstanding members of the succubus race; further details are beyond the scope of this post, but in case this synopsis has whetted your curiosity, we can refer you to the trial version. Anyway, part of the fun about this test thing, which is probably lost in translation, is that it looks a lot like a test handout for grade-schoolers, complete with furigana on all kanji in the “problem statement.” Note by the way the use of the fancy spelling 炉裏魂 for the word lolicon, which serves as a codeword of sorts in refined circles like 2ch; the characters literally mean something like “fireplace spirit,” and if someone can read this word without scratching his head for a moment, you have ample grounds to question their otaku tendencies and/or sexual preferences. Anyway, time to...

Test Your Lolicon Level

Those who possess a fervent, gentlemanly love for little girls are called lolicon. Verify whether you have subjective symptoms of that condition. To do so, check all the boxes that apply.

Whenever I hear “lolita” “low tally”[1] my heart throbs.
I want little girls to call me oniichan.
Most of the actresses whose name I can remember are child actors.
As far as anime goes, I always check out magical girl shows.
When people talk of girls in their families, I always imagine them younger.
In every matter, I like the first fruits best.
When you need two digits to write someone's age, they're no longer growing, they're growing old.
Breasts are just flab.
When I meet people with their children, I only look at the kids.
On panties, drawings and designs are highly desirable.
I think we should change the law to allow girls to marry even under age 16.
When I see a little girl, I have an urge to bring her home.
Sometimes, I feel like going back to the old days.
I feel bitter about my friends who have much younger sisters.
I feel even more bitter when they tease me about how there's nothing between brother and sister.
Lolicon are the very people who shall live the chosen future!

Total: 0

How many boxes have you checked?

You have checked 0 to 3 boxes: you are a normal person. Let's play Crayon Tulip and discover a whole new world!

You have checked 4 to 6 boxes: initial symptoms are visible. Let's play Crayon Tulip and aim for greater heights.

You have checked 7 to 9 boxes: you have achieved a firm skill level. Let's play Crayon Tulip and have a leg up on the competition.

You have checked 10 to 13 boxes: you are a full-grown lolicon. Let's enjoy Crayon Tulip from the bottom of our hearts.

You have checked 14 to 16 boxes: you are among the chosen ones. Let's love Crayon Tulip and evangelize people all over the world!


That's it. And if you think some questions in this test go a bit too far, don't even try looking at some other ones (which I'm most definitely not translating)!

[1] 8C correctly observes that what I had repeatedly misread as ロリータ “lolita” in the first question really says ロータリー “rotary”. That's an embarrassing instance of selective dyslexia on my part, sorry! That “low tally” think is an attempt at rendering the joke in English, but I'm not sure how well it works.


EDIT: since some people were asking for it on Twitter, here's a transcription/translation of the Crayon Tulip theme song (the short version from the PV for now; I might do the full version later if someone cares) by well-known doujin and eroge musician Kashiwagi Ruzarin (of Miko miko nurse fame).

See video

くれよんちゅーりっぷ

作詞·作曲·編曲:柏木るざりん
歌:民安ともえ・青葉りんご

今日も朝から寝坊助お兄ちゃん
おねむでふわふわ夢の中
こっそりほっぺにチューってしたら
びっくり飛び起き ごっつんこ

とっても物知りお兄様
今夜は何からはじめるの?
勉強 お絵描き かくれんぼう
いろいろたくさん教えてね

ポッケットにつめたなないろの
くれよん持って お・え・か・き
どきどきあふれて 白い紙のうえで
おどるよ

さあ手をつないで遊びにいこう
らーらーらーららー 歌うたいながら
ひだまり並んだお花みたいに
ずっとずっといっしょだよいつまでも

Crayon Tulip

Lyrics, music, arrangements: Kashiwagi Ruzarin.
Song: Tamiyasu Tomoe & Aoba Ringo.

Kyou mo asa kara nebosuke oniichan
Onemu de fuwafuwa yume no naka
Kossori hoppe ni chuu tte shitara
Bikkuri tobioki gottsunko

Tottemo monoshiri oniisama
Kon'ya wa nani kara hajimeru no?
Benkyou, oekaki, kakurenbou
Iroiro takusan oshiete ne

Poketto ni tsumeta nanairo no
Crayon motte o-e-ka-ki
Dokidoki afurete, shiroi kami no ue de
Odoru yo

Saa te wo tsunaide asobi ni ikou
La la la lala uta utainagara
Hidamari naranda ohana mitai ni
Zutto zutto issho da yo itsumademo

Crayon Tulip

 
 

Oniichan is sleeping in again this morning
Dozy having a cozy dream
But when I sneak and kiss him on the cheek
He jumps awake and butts my head

Oniisama knows plenty of things
What are we starting with tonight?
Work, drawing, hide-and-seek
Please teach me many things!

Let's pick the rainbow-colored crayons
We stuffed in our pockets and draw!
A bit too excited, on the white paper sheets
Our lines are all shaky

Let's hold hands now and go playing
La la la lala singing a song
And like the flowers aligned in the sun
We're always always together, forever

34 comments for ‘Test your lolicon level (updated)’.

I only checked 4, such a lazy lolicon :<

[...] Test your lolicon level | tsurupeta.info tsurupeta.info/content/test-your-lolicon-level – view page – cached I can't say I don't have misgivings about posting stuff that sounds like, er, triangular fodder, but people have been bickering me to do it for several days now, so here goes. Hopefully I can make it a bit more informative than the typical offering of disreputable venues. Tweets about this link [...]

11...that's no good...

Oh dear, I need to go play Crayon Tulip now, don't I?

4... Less than I thought ^^'

1...
Damnation, I'm a normal person \o/

I got 2. Guess I'm not a lolicon, or the questions there aren't sufficient enough.

Haha 'fireplace spirit' sounds like one of the Mythical Animals of Baidu.

Tu say that I'm only normal with 3 answers... I know some people that won't believe my score.

Got 5, rather average i guess.
Couldn't resist to the "Oniichan" question though... ^^'

"Crayon Tulip"?

Also I got 2, huzzah. :P

0, pure like the snow :P !

9

Isn't the first "Whenever I hear "rotary" my heart throbs"? I guess the joke doesn't work as well in English phonology, though.

also, 7

Good catch orz

Also, a respectable score!

Thanks for translating this mt-i !
Aaaaaand I got a 10 <_<

I got an 8!

Wait, why do I keep getting 45?

My level was 11!! I think I'm almost ready for the end of the world!

11... I am surprised O_O

Seems like I'm a normal person. 2! :|

14... I'm absolutely sure there's something wrong with me. -.-'

i got 12

ara-ara it seems i got a perfect score 16/16... what should i do now xD

i got a 5 xD

2.. and my friends say i´m sick.. i don´t know..

9.... I am half lolicon........

0-1, awesome!

Haha~ I scored 13. Unfortunately I've already played Crayon Tulip so I'm not sure what to do now.

4... To all of the people who did this TESTICALES THAT IS ALL

I checked 13....It appears I need more training, more discipline. I will become a chosen one. *Clenches fist*

I checked 10...
I really like lolis

13... send help.

14... i am the chosen one.

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